I first heard about polyvagal theory in a therapy session. My therapist mentioned it casually, like I should know what it was. I nodded along, then went home and looked it up.
It took me a while to understand it. A lot of the explanations are dense with jargon. But once I got it, the way I thought about my own reactions changed completely.
The Old Model Was Too Simple
For a long time, we talked about the nervous system as having two modes: fight-or-flight and rest-and-digest. Sympathetic versus parasympathetic. Stressed or relaxed.
This is useful but incomplete. It doesn't explain why sometimes when I'm overwhelmed I feel anxious and hyperactive, but other times I feel completely shut down and numb.
Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges in the 1990s, proposes a more nuanced model. It says we actually have three main nervous system states, not two.
The Three States
1. Safe and Social (Ventral Vagal)
This is when you feel safe, connected, and engaged. Your heart rate is steady, you can think clearly, you're able to connect with others. Your face and voice are expressive. You feel present.
This state is controlled by the ventral vagal complex, the newer evolutionary part of the vagus nerve. It developed in mammals to support social connection and cooperation.
When I'm in this state, problems feel manageable. I can have difficult conversations without feeling overwhelmed. I'm curious rather than defensive.
2. Fight or Flight (Sympathetic)
This is the mobilization response. Something feels threatening, so your body prepares to fight or run. Heart rate increases, muscles tense, stress hormones release.
In modern life, this often shows up as anxiety, panic, frustration, or feeling on edge. You're activated but not necessarily taking action. Just stuck in the alert state.
When I'm here, I feel reactive. My thinking narrows. I'm scanning for threats. Everything feels more urgent than it probably is.
3. Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal)
This is the oldest part of the nervous system response, shared with reptiles. When the threat seems inescapable, the body shuts down. Heart rate slows, energy drops, you might feel numb, disconnected, or hopeless.
This is the freeze response. It's protective in extreme situations but problematic when it becomes your default state. Depression often involves a lot of time in dorsal vagal shutdown.
When I'm here, I feel foggy and distant. It's hard to care about things. I want to hide or sleep.
Why This Matters
Understanding these three states helped me in a few ways:
I stopped judging my reactions. When I feel anxious or shut down, it's not a personal failure. It's my nervous system doing what nervous systems do. That doesn't mean I'm stuck there, but it's useful to know what's happening.
I recognized patterns. I noticed that certain situations reliably pushed me into fight-or-flight. Others pushed me toward shutdown. Knowing my triggers helps me prepare for them.
I found what helps each state. What helps when I'm anxious is different from what helps when I'm shut down. More on that below.
I understood relationships better. Our nervous systems affect each other. Being around regulated people helps me regulate. Being around dysregulated people can push me out of my safe zone.
The Vagal Brake
Here's another useful concept from the theory. When you're in the safe and social state, your ventral vagal system acts like a brake on your heart rate. It keeps things calm.
When you're stressed, that brake releases. Your sympathetic system takes over and your heart rate increases.
The strength of this brake is basically what we mean by "vagal tone." Higher vagal tone means a stronger brake. More ability to stay calm under pressure. Faster return to baseline after stress.
This is trainable. That's the whole point of vagus nerve exercises.
Moving Between States
We don't just switch suddenly from one state to another. There's usually a sequence.
Going down (toward threat response):
Safe and Social → Fight or Flight → Shutdown
You might go from feeling fine to feeling anxious to eventually feeling numb and checked out.
Going up (toward safety):
Shutdown → Fight or Flight → Safe and Social
Coming out of shutdown often means first moving through some mobilization energy. You might feel agitated before you feel calm.
I found this useful because sometimes when I'm coming out of a low period, I feel anxious first. That used to scare me. Now I recognize it as a step in the right direction.
What Helps Each State
From my experience:
When stuck in fight-or-flight:
- Slow breathing with long exhales
- Cold exposure
- Gentle movement that uses the excess energy
- Being with calm, regulated people
When stuck in shutdown:
- Gentle movement (not intense, just moving)
- Social connection, even briefly
- Warmth and comfort
- Small achievable tasks
- Sometimes you need to move through some activation first
For building baseline regulation:
- Consistent breathing practices
- Regular exercise
- Sleep hygiene
- Social connection
- Reducing unnecessary stressors
Caveats
Polyvagal theory is influential but also debated among scientists. Some researchers question parts of the biological model. The core ideas about different nervous system states are useful for understanding experience, even if the exact science is still evolving.
I treat it as a helpful framework rather than absolute truth. It gives me language for what I'm experiencing and direction for what might help.
Applying It
If you find yourself stuck in one of the mobilized states often, the goal is to build more capacity for the safe and social state. That means:
- Regular practices that stimulate the ventral vagal system (breathing, humming, social connection)
- Recognizing your patterns and triggers
- Meeting yourself where you are rather than forcing a state
- Creating more experiences of safety
This takes time. Nervous system patterns develop over years. They don't change overnight.
Understanding my nervous system states was a turning point for me. If you want practical exercises for building vagal tone and spending more time in the regulated state, that's what VagusVital is designed for. We offer 5 free programs including Daily Quick Start for beginners. See all the features or check pricing. Start here.
